Fantasy League Preview – 20+1/09/19

The Wilberfortress is back in the action

With the arrival of League fixtures this weekend, CUHC is getting up to top speed to hopefully win maximum points for the Fantasy hockey teams.

However, first, it is great regret I must issue my first retraction. Whilst I personally thought the fresher’s dictionary was average-to-good, my lid ratings caused tremendous outrage within the ranks of the Men’s blues. After very little debate and much peer-pressure from a puzzled-by-a-kettle 1 out of 10, it was decided to drastically slash Phil ‘the Power’ Taylor’s rating in half. All other ratings remain the same, including those that received N out of A.

With the start of Fantasy Hockey this week, I thought it would be best to provide my top picks. This comes with the unfortunate risk of talking about a great deal of hockey, but I’ll do my best to minimise this.

The Forwards

Residents of our forward lines are pure goalscorers and love to get on their nose. Their opponents might as well be trousers given they regularly rinse and press them. There have been quite a few names banded around, but these are my top 3:

Seb Shaw (MBs) bagged himself a handy number last season. Whilst there is significant video evidence that ‘Sebastian’ loves a chop, the number of goals he should be scoring this season will more than likely cancel out any cards. This also depends on whether he stops worrying about his silly thumb. He’s also coaching the Squandies, so watching them play will add an extra 10% to his game.

Izzy Austin (WBs) managed to persuade me on Saturday that she was the great^n granddaughter of Lord Kelvin, where n is some undetermined integer. In short, they’re somehow related. At this point, I decided to play it 4.2 K, but being the nerd that I am, my internal energy went through the roof. She’s also known to score numerous goals, so in my opinion, she could provide some serious heat upfront for the Wblues, putting her opponents’ defence into a high entropy state.

Joe Chandler (Ws) plays golf. With a nice big swing resulting in very little ping, he’s known to put a bigger than he’s used to ball in an even bigger hole. He’s not quite reached his 12th hole at Amen Corner, so I’d be picking him … for now until he goes replicate Jordan Spieth.

The Midfielders

The general consensus is that you need midfielders who can get ahead. With few other point-scoring opportunities, poor mans strikers are the way to go.

Harry Leng (Ws/MBs) knows where the goal is. He tells me it’s found halfway along each baseline. His youth was plagued by a robotic aiming system, aimbot, but after being suitably reprimanded, he’s learned how to shoot the proper way. He subsequently led the scoring charts in the Wandies last season alongside Joe Chandler.

Amy Edwards (WBs), our Women’s Blues Captain, managed to score twice last weekend. It appears she’s managed to pull herself back into form pretty quickly, and so I reckon she’ll bag a few points this coming weekend. A serious short corner threat and possesses a pretty handy wobble.

Sarah Alsaad (??) was frankly too good for the Beds. Period. Having scored nine in a game last season, who knows what she’ll do this season. She’s also off to a scoring start, with a hat-trick of variable quality, so I’m confident she’ll be bagging the points.

Footage of Sarah’s latest hat-trick

The Defenders

Defenders try to stop goals. Whilst this is entirely true, defenders who score goals and don’t chop could be quite invaluable.

Patrick Leong-Son (Ws/Sqs) loves to use his wheel’s up and down the sideline. Whilst they aren’t particularly quick, he also runs a decent R/O2. Other than this, he’s pretty vanilla, so I’ll move on.

To many, Jess Czink (Ns/WBs) could be a rogue choice. A tactical green card from the Umpire in the friendly last week for a ‘cynical’ chop might have secured her a place in the Nomads. Hence, she can now take a big hit from the top of the D at shorty time and score lots of points.

Ollie Rose (Ws), this year’s Wandies captain, also gets himself up their for short corner routines. His engineering prowess and fast geometry mean he’s renowned for getting the angle of the dangle bang on, so he can either ramp it over the cross-bar, or just continue defending.

The Keepers

This is a tough one. With three teams getting promoted last season, it is likely a few more balls may end up in the goal. This is a grave concern for our opponents, but we should not get too confident, we may also concede.

On the Men’s side, I think you’re pretty safe picking Toby or Will. On the Ladies side, with the same keeper’s as last season, I’m not quite sure who to pick. Apologies for the indecision, but this one is up to you.

Don’t back brooksy, back the beds.

Anon. gas-guzzling ex-webmaster

Freshers

Freshers are always an unknown quantity. Despite having kept my eyes to the ground and ears open, not even I’ve been committed enough to do the level of recon required to make an informed decision. Instead, I decided to make an informed decision about the true random number generator that I’m going to use to select some freshers. After much research about the flaws of Pseudo-random number generators, I picked one based on atmospheric noise.

However, having got myself down to Wilby over the last couple of days, to “cheer on CUHC for the greater good”, I have been able to pick out a few players. First of all there’s a new high-tech gun weapon in town, Martha. After a week’s long whole group discussion, we managed to work out at training that she’s a forward. It looks like she’s got all the skills, but can she get us the goals to pay the bills?

Another pick could be Ella. Whilst CUHC grieved the loss of Hatty darling Darling, the Lord gave us a perfect, if not a better, replacement. With a huge slap in her locker, she’s bound to get a hordern of assists this season. Sadly, we’re not counting them, but there’s a decent chance she’ll get a few goals, and it doesn’t look like she knows how to get rinsed.

It’s fair to say, from the 1 minute 34 seconds that I’ve spoken to the ladies fresher’s, they seem quite nice and so it would be unfair to single them out as the only freshers mentioned. Hence, I’d like to mention Marcus. He seems quite handy at hockey, and his chat has fallen off a cliff since his arrival at the Wilberservice. It looks like he’s going to fit in just fine, and could be a solid pick in your midfield.

The expert picks from Paddy LS Power and LadBrooks

Speaking to our resident tipsters, LadBrooks and Paddy LS Power, I managed to gain even more insider advice about the do’s and do not’s for this year’s season:

  • Toby Fairhurst (GK): Never conceded a goal in a CUHC league fixture and isn’t planning on starting now. An easy 8 points from the clean sheet for opening weekend.
  • Georgie Jones (Fwd): A year away from a CUHC spent “focusing on her degree” paid dividends in the world of academia but has left her with an unquenchable thirst for goals. We’re predicting a hatty this weekend at the very least.
  • James Burman (Def): Last season, the squandies scored 10 against opening week opposition Leadenham without reply, and Major Damo’s South African reincarnation will be looking to start his CUHCareer with another clean sheet. Unlike Major Damo however, James is more likely to leave Cambridge with an MBA rather than an MBE.

Actual Hockey Matches

This week sees four whole matches at the Wilby. Hence, if you’re playing, then get yourself down early, stay after and make a day of it. They’ll be plenty of people knocking around and it’s a great way to catch up and get to know people before Saturday’s grand social.

The Squandies find themselves traveling to RAF Cranwell. Tom and his well-regimented team wilby hoping to get off to a flying start, with a real chance of promotion on their hands.

The WBlues are our other team venturing afar for this weekend. They travel to Harleston Magpies. The Magpies’ spongey waterbase will allow the Wblues to play some seriously flare hockey, and our change to blue socks will help avoid some of the significant confusion that has plagued recent fixtures.

As always, the fixtures table can be found below:

TeamOppositionH/ATimeForm
BedouinCam City 4th XIH11:00
Men’s BluesWest Herts 1st XIH13:30
NomadsSt Neot’s 1st XIH15:00
WanderersBlueharts 1st XIH12:30
Women’s BluesHarleston Magpies 2nd XIA13:30
SquanderersLeadenham 1st XIA12:00

Over and out,

A.W.

P.s. CUHC fantasy hockey is open to both current players and Alumni. It’s free to play and if you’d like to enter please send your name, team name and team to . Rules and players can be found here.

Weekend Preview – 14/09/19

With a Wapping 3/7ths of a week of pre-season firmly under our belts, it’s fair to say that not much has changed at CUHC. With a lot of the same old (and some still fresh) faces, average hockey and “world-class niche chat”, those who’ve turned up to pre-season have at least been blessed with some rather toasty southern weather.

First of all, I hope you’ve all had a cracking summer. The more observant among you may have noticed that the internet looks a little different. You are indeed correct. After having had a small break in Turkey to watch some football, (see the General) the webmaster has been busy at work. Stay tuned for clues about how to enter fantasy hockey.

This weekend, I’m told our Blues have some friendlies, so it would have been impolite not to have offered something. With the Squandies having already got their match practice underway, with an classic performance for the English Carribean Board’s middle order, our Blues wilby hoping to go above and beyond the high bar set by our beloved Squanderers.

For their first friendly of the season, our Men’s Blues travel to Richmond HC. With hopes of promotion this year, having only narrowly missed out on promotion last year, new Captain Ed Tyler is confident of a strong season. I would have offered some chat about this week’s team, but it would have just looked harsh on Silver.

Courtesy of my nervous disposition when talking to girls, I wasn’t able to ask what the ladies have been up to. However, some observant wanderers told me that they’ve got some “class talent”. It must be said that it wasn’t particularly clear what attributes they were referring to, but we’ll find out on Saturday.

I believe our Women’s Blues are playing Wapping HC at the Wilberfortress (14:15 kick off). With some notable departures from their team this summer, Amy Edwards wilby looking to rebuild her squad quickly with said “class talent” before the season gets fully underway. So if you’re in Cambridge and want to avoid watching the Squanderer’s second innings against the Australia-South Africa Alliance, then get yourself down to the Wilberfortress and cheer them on.

But anyway that’s enough about hockey. The start of a new season means one thing, a new batch of delightful freshers. Entering my fifth year as a fresher, I feel extremely qualified to provide some insight. Whether it’s being ID’d for buying matchboxes, convincing students you’re a fifteen-year-old child genius or just trying to have a conversation with Broby Tooks, I’ve been there, done that and got an XS T-shirt.

Starting at CUHC can be daunting, but have no fear! The website is here. Now in its second edition, we’ve issued our updated Fresher’s dictionary. Here you’ll find an A-Z helping you to work out what on earth is going on.

Over and out,

A.W.

Fun Fact: It’s 156 days to BDotY. That’s equal to the number of hourly gongs a clock strikes in one day. 

Weekend Preview 19/01/2019

Welcome to 2019! The East Leagues are back underway and all our teams are in action this weekend. Good luck everyone! No gags this week (Dry January).

Nomads

The Nomads had a tricky start to 2019 with an away fixture against the strong Women’s Blues. They are sitting above the relegation zone but things are very tight at the middle-to-lower end of Division 1N, with just 5 points separating the bottom six. This weekend brings a huge home fixture against ninth place Ipswich – six points up for grabs!

Squanderers

The Squandies had a good record up to Christmas and reached fourth place in Division 3NW, although nine points separates them from the top three. They have a chance to close the gap, at home to second place Cambridge City tomorrow.

Bedouin

The Beds have had a remarkable run over the last few games, the only blemish a loss to top-of-the-league Saffron Walden just before the break. They are also up to fourth place and are very much in touch with the top three. They travel to second place Bury St Edmunds for an early morning six pointer.

Women’s Blues

The Women’s Blues are in formidable Saturday form with five wins from the last five games. They’re in a comfortable second place but need more wins to keep the pressure on unbeaten Dereham in the hunt for the Division 1N title. This week they’re away to Cambridge City.

Wanderers

Credit to the Wandies for sticking with frankly useless head-coach Kieran Gilmore: they’ve turned it around. Some crucial points in the run up to Christmas has seen them break into the top half of Division 1. They will want to keep the momentum with them and push for a higher finish but have a tough fixture this week against a Wapping side only kept off the top spot by goal difference.

Men’s Blues

The Men’s Blues had an early Christmas present when a draw between Cardiff and King’s College guaranteed the boys the BUCS South Premier B title with three games still to play. That lines up a play-off vs. Cardiff Met to go into South Premier A next season. Things are still wide open on a Saturday though, and some points against top-of-the-table Wapping (who only lost to the boys in the first half of the season) would be a very welcome start to the 2019 campaign.

Team Position Form Guide Opposition Time H/A
Women's Blues 2 WWWWW Cambridge City 3 12:00 A
Men's Blues 4 WWLWW Wapping 1 14:00 A
Nomads 8 WLWLL Ipswich 2 13:30 H
Wanderers 6 DWWDL Wapping 3 12:00 H
Bedouin 4 WWWLW Bury St Edmunds 10:00 A
Squanderers 4 DLWLW Cambridge City 4 10:30 H

Weekend Preview 17/11/2018

Pub Golf this weekend. See last year’s preview for lots of funny stuff about Pub Golf (courtesy of Jean Staunton-Sykes). I know it’s exciting but there are 18 points to pick up first so let’s have 100% focus on that from now on.

Squanderers

The Squandies are sitting pretty in fourth place after a string of good results and will look to crack on this weekend against a struggling Ely City side. Ely’s an interesting one. It is built on the tallest hill in the Fens (a dizzying 26 m above sea level), which once formed an island (hence “Isle of Ely”) before William of Orange came over and sorted us out with his Dutch drainage skills. “Ely” is thought to derive from “Eels”, a reference to the aquatic snakes once abundant in the surrounding marshlands. Nasty. Catch the boys in the early fixture at Wilby.

Women’s Blues

The Women’s Blues performed well in a narrow loss to Oxford on Wednesday. Despite the disappointing result it was an even contest and has provided a tantalising preview to the third of March. This weekend the girls are on the road to Ipswich. Although it’s a long trip Ippy are down in the bottom half of Division 1N and the Blues will benefit from a trip to the Stag  Café so we expect them to return with three points.

Bedouin

The Beds followed up their unprecedented 23-0 pumping of March Town with another three points last week. Believe it or not this week they play at team with fewer points than March Town: bottom of the table Haverhill Ladies. The top places in Division 3NW are within reach so let’s hope for no slip ups and another big three points for the girls.

Men’s Blues

The Men’s Blues won again on Wednesday and now, thanks to a bizarre set of results elswhere, sit 12 points clear of second place after six games in South Prem B. Three points against mid-table Ipswich last weekend was also reassuring, and this week they face local rivals Cambridge City in an away match to be played at Willy Wilberforce Road. Things are tight at the top of East Prem A so three points are essential as ever in the push for promotion.

Wanderers

The Wandies picked up a huge three points last weekend and also avoided embarrassment against the Infrequents in Oxford mid-week. After a welcoming Wednesday spirits will be high as they head into a home six pointer against nearby Broxbourne this weekend as they look to climb further above the relegation zone. They’re on at 12:00 and as ever all support is appreciated.

Nomads

The Nomads are on a tough run and it doesn’t get any easier this weekend against third place Norwich Dragons. The girls play in the prime slot at Wilby so get down to offer your support at 13:30.

Team Position Form Guide Opposition Time H/A
Women's Blues 2 WLDWW Ipswich 2 14:00 A
Men's Blues 4 WWLWW Cambridge City 2 12:00 A
Nomads 10 LLLLL Norwich Dragons 1 13:30 H
Wanderers 9 LDDLW Broxbourne 1 12:00 H
Bedouin 4 LWWWW Haverhill Ladies 1 15:00 A
Squanderers 4 WDWWD Ely City 1 10:30 H

Weekend Preview 10/11/2018

If I told you there were six CUHC games at Wilby this weekend you would be forgiven for saying “No Way, José!” but you would be wrong because in fact there are six games involving CUHC at the Wilberforce Road ground tomorrow. To honour this special occassion I took the time to speak to each of our teams’ coaches in turn for some extra insight into the games.

Wanderers

A big win for the Wanderers on Wednesday against the University of Bye saw them through to the second round of the BUCS Hockey 2018-19 Midlands Conference Cup. Things aren’t looking so rosy on a Saturday though with no Ws left in the form guide. Beleaguered head coach Kieran Gilmore told me earlier: “When I go to the press conference before the game, in my mind the game has already started.” They have a chance to turn things around tomorrow with a six pointer at the bottom of the table as the boys travel to Cambridge City.

Squanderers

The Squandies are on a roll and also have a six point fixture at Wilby this week. They face Cam City’s veterinarians as they look to join the big boys at the top of Division 3NW. Asked to comment on the Squandies’ prolific scoring form but leaky defense, coach Jim “numero 13” Dickinson remarked: “It’s like having a blanket but it’s too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere.” While I carefully consumed a beverage with my left hand and obeyed all other ‘rules’, Ed Sides added: “I have nothing, nothing to say. Nothing, nothing to say. Nothing to say, I have nothing to say. Nothing to say, I am so sorry, I have nothing to say.”

Men’s Blues

The Men’s Blues had a good week with wins against Chelmsford and Reading University leaving them in the promotion spots on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Tomorrow’s fixture against an up and coming Ipsiwch side, who will presumably benefit from a trip to the Stag Café en route, provides an opportunity to continue climbing the table as first and second place meet elsewhere. Coach Charlie Bannister wasn’t holding back when asked to explain the boys’ impressive start to the season. He said: “We have top players and, sorry if I’m arrogant, we have a top manager. Please do not call me arrogant because what I say is true. I’m European champion. I’m not one out of the bottle, I think I’m a special one.”

Bedouin

The Beds beat March Town 23-0 last week. 2 3  –  0. Twenty-three to nil. 20+3 with no reply. That is a goal every 3.04347826087 minutes. Wow. Speaking after the game, coach Lucia Corry was humble in victory, stating: “I have a problem, which is I’m getting better at everything related to my job since I started.” Her colleague Alicia Murphy added: “The moral of the story is not to listen to those who tell you not to play the violin but stick to the tambourine.” Spalding 2 will surely provide a sterner test tomorrow, sitting just three points and two places below the girls.

Nomads

The Nomads have also had a tough run of it on a Saturday and will be desperate for points tomorrow. It won’t be easy as they have to travel to face a strong Cambridge City side. I sat down with coaches Matt Jervis and Ollie Duckers earlier and discussed issues surrounding selection for the club’s second team: “The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs – no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.”

Women’s Blues

The Women’s Blues overturned a momentary dip in form last week with a comfortable win over St Neots. A relieved coach Darrell Cassidy said of the team: “We are a little horse. A horse that still needs milk and to learn how to jump.” The girls face a struggling Ipswich – East Suffolk side tomorrow as they look to secure their position in the promotion spots of Division 1N. When asked if they had anything to fear from I-ES, Mr. Cassidy stuck with the ungulate theme: “You may as well put a cow in the middle of the pitch, walking. And then stop the game because there was a cow.”

Team Saturday Form Guide Oppo Time H/A
Women's Blues WWLDW Ipswich – East Suffolk 1 12:00 H
Men's Blues WWWLW Ipswich 1 13:30 H
Nomads WLLLL Cambridge City 3 12:00 A
Wanderers LLDDL Cambridge City 3 13:30 A
Bedouin LLWWW Spalding 2 10:30 H
Squanderers DWDWW Cambridge City Vets 10:30 A

Weekend Preview 27/10/2018

As ever there are big games across the board for our teams this week.

Bedouin

The Beds picked up an important three points at home against Horncastle last week, and will hope to bring back three more on Saturday in a bid to move out of Division 3NW’s mid-table. They have a good chance: their opponents Peterborough sit four places below them and are yet to pick up a win this season. It is a notorious away trip for CUHC teams though so they will have to perform well. Look out for the nearby factories of the Covent Garden Food Co. – I’m sorry to break it to you but yes, those soups are made in East Anglia and not at the Royal Opera House as you may have previously assumed.

Squanderers

The Squandies haven’t lost in four games now, a run which has seen them climb to fouth place in Division 3NW. They face mid-table St Ives in the early slot at Wilby this weekend. Three points will be crucial as they aim to keep in touch with, and start putting some pressure on, the top three.

Men’s Blues

The Men’s Blues travel to Harleston this week for a third vs. fourth place six-pointer (so to speak, of course in reality only three points are available to the winning side). The possibility of running into Richard Hesketh on a detour to the Stag Café brings added excitement… The boys remain high on confidence, staying clear on top of their BUCS league with a good win against Exeter on Wednesday and bouyed by huge but unfortunately secret night out that evening. Well done to Fresh Prince (in all senses) Will Silver for his victorious performance.

Women’s Blues

A disappointing defeat at home to top-of-the-table Dereham last week saw the Women’s Blues lose their unbeaten Saturday record. They make the trip to Wisbech this week looking to get back to winning ways. The forecast is a bit iffy but a day out on sands at Wisbech is always fun (e.g. digging big holes and burying freshmen – Just remember to dig them up before setting off home).

Wanderers

The Wandies tough start to the season has continued as they dropped points to Upminster and Harleston in recent weeks, and rumours have begun to circulate regarding the status of beleaguered head coach Kieran Gilmore. Picking up three points at home to bizarrely named Crostyx, who currently languish at the bottom of Division 1, is surely essential. They’re in the prime slot at Wilby so get down and support the boys if you can.

Nomads

The Nomads have had a couple of tricky weeks but have a chance to make progress in Division 1N on Saturday against Sudbury, who currently sit just two places above them. It’s another match at Wilby so why not make a day of it if you can.

Team Saturday Form Guide Oppo Time H/A
Women's Blues WWWWL Wisbech Town 1 13:45 A
Men's Blues WLWWW Harleston Magpies 1 13:30 A
Nomads WLWLL Sudbury 1 11:30 H
Wanderers LWLLD Crostyx 1 13:00 H
Bedouin LWLLW City of Peterborough 3 16:00 A
Squanderers LWDWD St Ives 2 10:00 H

CUHC’s Most Liked 2018 (#BDotY-eve Preview)

Fletch didn't change his profile picture this year.
Fletch didn’t change his profile picture this year. Shame!

It’s almost here (#imquiteexcited), it’s the day you’ve all been waiting for and there’s no doubt it’s going to be amazing. That’s right, it’s the day that the analysis of the profile picture likes is released.

Everyone will have seen by now the hype generated by the biggest coordinated media campaign in the University*. It’s been effective as well, with CUHC members accruing a considerable amount of the virtual social rep counters we call “Likes”, 9181 reacts in total. This is a little bit less than last year, but without the careful management of a webmaster (#OuEstJean), it was always going to be an uphill struggle.

The Good

Lol.

What makes a profile picture good? According to Social Scientist Baz, it’s a complex combination of having a good looking game face, having a witty caption and a good filter. We couldn’t be bothered to qualitatively assess each picture though, so instead we just rate them based on results. The first, and most obvious, metric is absolute number of reactions. This years winner was Harry Leng, but not without some controversy. In much the same way Trump’s victory in the US election had Russians involved, Harry’s victory in the profile reactions table was helped in part by 15 angry reacts (presumably from people he has never met and knows nothing about, but happen to be from Oxf*rd and on his friends list). Much like after the firing of Comey, the CUHC webmaster is absent (#AnyoneSeenJean) so there is not enough evidence to indict Harry. I’m not saying that Harry is narcissistic or an egomaniac, but there are some disturbing parallels.

Harry Leng

Congrats to all those who made the top 10, which was again dominated by the Nomads, but with some strong competition from the Wanderers.

  1. Harry Leng (251)
  2. Tristan Hipper (238)
  3. Georgie Jones (232)
  4. Seb Cheli (226)
  5. Ollie Rose (220)
  6. Sophie Wilson (210)
  7. Jess Czink (208)
  8. Harriet Potter (202)
  9. Annie O’Neill (200)
  10. Laura Sweeting, Beth Barker (199)

Owain Last Year, hasn’t he grown quickly

There were others in the club that made a good effort despite being severely disadvantaged. So we also rated everyone according to what percentage of their friends reacted to their profile picture. If Owain were to have as many friends as Seb Cheli, he’d have got 638 likes instead of his (still respectable) 108.

  1. Owain Houghton (34.95%)
  2. Rachel Stoner (28.99%)
  3. Vivi Way (27.60%)
  4. Lydia Michaelides (26.95%)
  5. Louis Totton (26.84%)

To get yourself on this list, consider a friend list cull. For instance Ethan Gardner has culled 229 friends over the last year.

Nomads won the team competition, despite many attempts to change the data so some other team could win (see Jervis’ attempt last week for instance). Nothing worked, so they get first place. Hopefully next year one of the other teams could put a little effort in and compete for the title.

Team Table

The Bad

No, I’m not going to call people out here for not getting many likes, that would just be harsh on Damian.

A Wandering Snake
A Wandering Snake

Instead I’m going to try and work out who the snake is in the club (and I don’t mean the Wanderers). Someone has gone through and unliked the entire Nomads team’s profile pictures. This is the worst act of social sabotage recorded in CUHC history.

The CUHC Media Team reacted immediately, launching an independent investigation headed up by Chief Inspector Baz. Matt Jervis, after his criticism of the Nomads in last weeks preview, was initially arrested on suspicion of the crime, but had several alibis (his name is on the like list for a number of the Nomads) so had to be released.

The investigation then compiled a list of everyone who has like a Nomads profile picture, and compared this to the list of members of CUHC. The results were shocking. 12 Squanderers, 5 Wanderers and 3 Beds haven’t liked a single Nomad profile picture. Why all the hate? I reached out to captain Beth Barker for comment, and she reckons she’s got the answer.

I was particularly disappointed to see Harry Leng’s name on the list, since 8 of the Nomads liked his profile to help him win, but he didn’t return the favour. (editors note: CUHC does not take any responsibility for damage done to Harry by the Nomads as a result of this information)

Whilst useful to know, this didn’t help track down the mysterious snake. If anyone has any information that could lead to the identification of the snake then please contact @General_Baz.

The Boring

This year, we are pleased to announce a 100% uptake from the Nomads and Beds. Unfortunately both the Wanderers and Squanderers had someone let the side down.

Deme possibly thought leaving his picture the same would be acceptable if he was in CUHC kit. He was wrong. It’s a pity really as the hair really suits him.

You're Worth It
You’re Worth It

Fletch likewise thought being in kit could get him off the hook. Wrong. So I took a look back through his profile pictures over the years, and the last 7 are in all in CUHC kit (if you include the one where he’s got the CUHC tie on). That’s still no reason not to make it 8 Peter. Two things are infinite: stash possibilities, and profile pictures containing stash.

 

* as measured by number of profile picture changes.

 

Hockey

Apparently there are some league games this weekend.

  • MBlues play Ipswich 1s at Wilby. They won’t have to worry about conserving energy for the following day, but they probably will be thinking about the largest boozing sesh of their year so might be a bit distracted. Still, I’m sure they’ll win as Ipswich are 12 points behind them at the moment.
  • Nomads? More like No-game amirite.
  • WBlues don’t have a game. This gives them the unique opportunity to have a 24 hour long pre before #BDotY, something no team has attempted before.
  • The Wandies also don’t have a game, but won’t be having a 24 hour pmb I hope.
  • No game for the Beds or Squandies – they opted to play the rearranged fixtures from early January next Sunday instead, in order to have the day to mentally prepare themselves for the tasks ahead.

Weekend Preview 18/02/17

Despite being a slip weekend, there’s still a lot of hockey going on in Cambridge tomorrow and Sunday. Make sure to check on the news from the week as well, with all the teams now having been announced for Varsity (9 days woop).

The Nomads have a busy weeked with two rearranged fixtures. On Saturday they have a league game against bottom of the league Bury St Edmunds, after the fixture was called off in early January.  They’ll be hoping for a win to keep their hopes of staying in 1N alive, a big challenge with 4 teams getting relegated. That game’s away at 2pm. In a different situation entirely, they are playing a Bucs game on Sunday against Coventry, where they need a win to keep their promotion hopes alive.

Womens blues are just doing fitness. #gainz

The mens side of the club have no league games, instead all 4 teams are playing in friendlies against each other, with the blues playing the Wanderers at 9am, and the Squandies playing the new Blundies team at 1:30pm.

It’s also a big cuppers weekend for collegiate hockey, fixtures can be found in the cuppers spreadsheet.

Weekend Preview 28/01/17

29 days left.

This week I’m going to start with the stats table, as that’s everyone’s favourite bit of the weekend previews:

Team Position in table Opposition Opposition position in table Venue PB Time League Form
Nomads 11 Dereham 1s 3 A 1200 DLLLLLLLWDDWL
Bedouin 12 Bourne Deeping 1s 11 H 1030 LLLDLLLDLDLLL
Women's Blues 5 Maidstone 1s 7 H 1330 WWLWLDLWLDWWW
Squanderers 4 Cam Nomads 1s 6 A 1230 WDWLWLDLWWLWWD
Wanderers 7 Wisbech Town 1s 12 H 1200 LWWDLLWLWLLDLW
Men's Blues 7 St Albans 1s 3 A 1500 LLLWLWLLDDLW

A few good games in there. Beds remain just 5 points from safety, and playing 11th place Bourne Deeping is a good chance to begin their meteoric rise up the table that we’re all expecting. Nomads have a tough fixture against 3rd place Dereham, but with strong recent form the eternally optimistic pundits at CUHC Media are predicting a light blue win. Squandies have a chance to prove they’re in 4th place for a reason (and not just because they’ve played an extra game compared to everyone around them) by smashing the Nomads and opening up the gap between us and the middle of the table. Wandies better not mess up against bottom of the table Wisbech, there’s not even the excuse of the dodgy pitch as they’re playing at home (Wisbech are on 7 points, all 7 have been in home fixtures).

Although just two places separate the WBlues and Maidstone, that’s actually a 10 point difference in a prem league that is split down the middle (though Maidstone also have a game in hand). The MBlues face the most daunting challenge of the teams playing tomorrow, against a strong looking St. Albans side. Table position doesn’t really reflect how close the blues have been in a lot of their fixtures though, so again the un-tamable optimism of the media gurus are thinking this one will go our way.

Looking at the weather forecast, tonight is looking very mild, so all games should be on.