Fresher’s dictionary

Starting out at CUHC can be a little daunting, especially as a fresher. But do not fear! The website is here. Over the last 130 years, CUHC has found that the English language is frankly inadequate. So we decided to give words more suitable meanings.

If some of the definitions don’t make sense, then sorry. It’s not possible for me to tell you the subtleties of our niche, advanced dialect without severe penalties (see: Coaching).

Suggestions and amendments are welcome, comments are open at the bottom of the page or you can message me directly (See: Webmaster)

A Amnesianoun, /amˈniːzɪə/
You can’t always remember everything and don’t always want to. But if in doubt, the general is about. (See General Baz, Debrief)

Angels, noun plural, /ˈeɪndʒ(ə)ls/
If you’re still out when this comes on, it’s time to go home (See: Cindies, Vinyl)

Arnold Schwarzenegger, noun stacked, /ˈɑːnəld ˈʃwɔːrtsənˌɛɡər/
UZI 9 mm

Away in a manger, phrase, /əˈweɪ ɪn ā ˈmeɪndʒə/
A common Christmas song, although the general public do not know the correct lyrics (See: F**k off Oxf*rd)

B Bedouin, noun plural, /ˈbɛdʊɪn/
The Bedouin, aka “The Beds”, are our beloved women’s 3rd XI. These lovely ladies enjoy their hockey, enjoy their socials and especially enjoy “beduwinning” (which they do on a weekly basis).

Some Men’s Blues. Lids rated left to right. Back Row: N/A, 5/10, 6/10, 2/100, 4/10, 3/10, N/A, N/A, 1/10
Front row: 4/10, 4/10, 6/10, N/A, N/A, 7/10, N/A

Blue, proper noun, /bluː/
Blue is a colour. The correct shade of blue is Light Blue. The Blues are the 1st teams of our hockey club, so-called because playing in the Varsity game against Oxf*rd earns you a Blue. Getting a blue means you are pretty good at a sport, and it gets you a felt jacket which also doubles up as a sponge. (See VK)

Blutack
 Although Bostik don’t specify which blue their product is, they clearly had good taste.

Blutack, noun,  /’bluːtæk/
Refers to someone who goes out with the intention of getting with someone who is a blue. Otherwise used as a term for someone dating a blue. Wikipedia says Blutack was invented by accident, but they must have got confused. (See amnesia)

BUCS, noun, /bʌks/
At the end of the week, CUHC loves to travel to far away places and teach people how to play hockey. This doesn’t come without its risks: forgetting to shut the boot, leaving freshers behind and sometimes they score more goals than us if they are fast learners.

Buffalo, noun, /bŭf′ə-lō′/
The buffalo is a curious creature, with many habits that it will not ever go against. One of these is that when a buffalo goes down to the river to drink, it will also have the same hoof forwards. No one knows why the buffalo does this, maybe it doesn’t want to break from tradition. See also: Chop

C Chat, desirable noun, /tʃat/
One of the key differences between OUHC and CUHC is that we’ve got it. See also: General Baz, Webmaster. Do not see: Last Year’s varsity commentators

Cheese, undesirable noun, /tʃiːz/
Often given to the victor of stick to stick combat, or from milking a buffalo. (See also: Chop)

Chop, noun, /tʃɒp/
1. A tackle made by Etian or “Sebastian Shaw” (See also: Cheese)
2. Something CUHC does on socials which OUHC really struggles with.

On viewing a fresh Etian making his first tackle, the dutch invented Gouda to keep up with the new increase in demand.

Anon. Squanderer

Christmas Dinner, legendary event, /krĭs′məs dĭn′ər/
The Christmas dinner wilby (hopefully) taking place in the clubhouse, and features many exciting events. Captains make speeches which are very amusing (See Shade of Blue) or just downright boring (… Harold Peng, aka the new Perry). Some say it gets a little bit out of hand, but as long as you take the stairs and not the lift you should be ok. The squanderers headline the entertainment with their annual athletics event. See also: Chat, Chop, Squanderers

Cindies, funplace, /sĭn′dɪs/
Cinderella Rockafella (Cindies for short) is the club night of choice on a Wednesday (night most sports socials occur). It’s soon to go under redevelopment to form a nuclear music bunker, so get in (and out) before it closes down.

Committee, collective noun,  /kə-mĭt′ē/
These students have nothing better to do in their weeks than admin for the club. There are many lesser roles like President, treasurers, club captains & secretaries etc. Then there is a Junior Committee that features some of the more important roles, such as the Social Secs and the Webmaster.
Every year the places are tightly contested, with RoNald being a great bloke and thus offering to fill any roles not taken.
The desirable roles like ULO and the Transport Secretaries often have many applicants, so if you think you might be interested in one of those roles I’d recommend starting your CV now.

Catz Corridor, fun place, /kăts kôr′ĭ-dər/
It’s a Wednesday night, you’re college friends are being borin so you take off looking for fun, in true nomad style. You leave the smoking area, squanderering a chirpse, do a quick wanderer around, encountering some turbulence due to the dreadful shapes cut by minor clubs, and find yourself at peak altitude on the raised bit of Cindies with all of CUHC. Congratulations you have now reached Catz corridor.

Curry King, funplace, /kûr′ē kĭng/
The home of CUHC whole club swaps. Fantastic room hire with complimentary “curry”. Apparently if you don’t turn up in a big group they also double up as a restaurant. They’re still learning the concept of a deposit, but each year our Social Secs do their best to explain. Naans are best served with a large spoonful of CUHC company, whilst curry is best left to be recycled for the second shift of students.

DDebrief, noun, /dē-brēf′/
After a large one, we all travel to Macclesfield and help those with amnesia.

Dangerspoons, noun, /dān′jərspo͞ons/
Townies x Wetherspoons = DangerSpoons but at CUHC we love fun and a story or two. I’d say Friday nights are less dangerous than Saturdays.

DJ, noun, /dē′jā′/
DJ is the gentleman that serves us our drinks (See: Tomahawk) and makes sure we leave quietly (See: Wings of a Sparrow). Be nice to DJ, he puts up with having 50 people crammed into downstairs at Hawks. Some people may mistake DJ for someone who mixes songs. But songs are hymns and are mixed by the Choirmaster.

EEliminated, noun, non-verbal
When you get something wrong, you cross it out. The kind folk of CUHC do this for you, even when you don’t realise your mistake.

A kind WBlue indicating the Dfloor is only available for people who can actually cut shapes, aka, CUHC. Featuring a nearly full Monty.

FF**K OFF OXF*RD, profane but justified phrase, /not appropriate/
This one is self-explanatory, even Campkin gets it. See GDBO, IJCSO etc.

Fez, place, /fĕz/
Ever fancied a trip to Morocco? Now you can experience unbearable heat and North African décor without leaving Cambridge. Or, if you don’t fancy being dripped on by the ceiling, just shuffle ‘Sing-along Indie Pop’ on Spotify, and you’ll find the DJ’s playlist for that evening.

Fishing, noun, /fĭsh′ĭng/
The favourite past time of Broby Tooks.

Freddie Hampel, noun, /frĕd′ē hăm′pĭ-l/
“The club will pay”. A common misconception.

Fresher, silly nouns, /frĕshər/
Freshers are the new guys who haven’t yet settled down and learnt how CUHC works. Some are silly, some are boring. CUHC runs a rigourous assimilation course starting with simple tasks before progressing up to more challenging tasks such as leaving Hawks quietly.
Some find the course harder than others, and some get held back for many years. It is the only event where getting the Silver medal means coming in last place.

G GDBO, colloquial fact, /jē dē bē ō/
God Damn Bloody Oxf*rd. A common phrase that can be seen around Cambridge used to show a united dislike of the other place. See also: IJCSO.

General Baz, legend, /jĕn′ər-əl băz/
Once guarded the Wilberfortress for CUHC, but now wears rouge. Is now Gossip Grill for men’s side of CUHC (See: Major Beds).

Game, noun, /gām/
Oh no, I’ve lost… Dearie me

HHawks, noun, /hôks/
Hawks Club is the sports club for Cambridge Uni, along with the Ospreys. The requirement for membership is either a blue (see also: Blue) or half blue/second team colours (See: Wanderers, Nomads), but CUHCers are always welcome.

I Infrequents, poor team, /ĭn-frē′kwənt/
The mens 3rds for Oxf*rd, who play the Squanderers every year at Varsity (see: The Best Day of the Year). The only good thing they’ve ever done is give us Matt Gleeson. He is still slowly learning the superior Cambridge way of life, and adapting to new concepts (See: Chat, Chop).

IJCSO, colloquial fact, /ī jā sē s ō/
I Just Can’t Stand Oxf*rd. Another common phrase, again used to describe a dislike to the other place. This one is a little more acceptable in polite society.

J John’s bar, noun place, /dʒɒns bɑː/
When entering Cindies, turning right instead of left brings you into Johns bar. It’s called Johns bar because the ratio of red chinos to VK swizzling males is approximately 1:1. If the other bars are busy it can be a useful place to know though, you can get to it from the main room by going to the end of the corridor the toilets are on and turning right. See also: Minor College Chat

K Kit, essential noun, /kɪt/
Also known as stash, sartorial elegance is taken seriously at CUHC. After a brief romance with Nike, Cambridge Uni sport heard who was going to be Kit Sec, and rushed to form a fully-functional Uni-wide sports deal. Silver and Jengland still haven’t woken up from their latest bus trip (see: BUCS) for us to tell them. Good luck Mollie.

On one of the rare occasions that our Kit Sec was awake, he got his first dismissal. A confused bed looks on...

KILLING IT, complimentary phase, /ˈkɪlɪn ɪt/
Open to interpretation. Example below:
Squanderer: “Hold on a tic, I’m just explaining the mathematics of a reverse Botswana”
Lovestruck Bds/Nds/Wblues: “Wow, you’re KILLING IT”

Fresher’s, if you think it’s this you are definitely not killing it. But frankly, neither am I

LLarge, common adjective, /lɑːdʒ/
Refers to a successful social. Traditionally followed by a trip to Macclesfield the next day (See also: Macclesfield, debrief)

Losing it, multifaceted colloquial expression, /ˈluːzɪn ɪt/
1. undesirable consequence of correcting Broby (see also: fishing)
2. A state of beverage induced euphoria (see also: Toma)

MMajor Beds, Person, /ˈmeɪdʒə bɛds/
The General’s elusive younger sister has been quite shy over recent years. Hopefully, she’ll sum up the courage to make a return to the (light blue) limelight.

NNomads, collective noun, /ˈnəʊmads/
Our Women’s second team. After a quiet year, their new captain has made it krystal clear that they’re going to be winning both on and off the pitch.

Nibble, verb, /ˈnɪb(ə)l/
Saying something that really doesn’t need to be said (See: Losing it).

OOspreys, noun, /ˈɒspreɪs/
The women’s sporting club of Cambridge, alongside the male equivalent Hawks (both use the Hawks club building). I’m told Dadge is their president this year, (see Nomads).

Oxf*rd, profane noun, /ˈɒksf*d/
Definition of making a bad decision. Also home to the world’s oldest polytechnic. Has a university too called Oxf*rd Brookes.
See also: Away in a Manger, GDBO, IJCSO, Wings of a Sparrow, St John’s

PPope, holy noun, /pəʊp/
We can confirm that he is catholic. Last year OUHC went on a summer tour, but he neither knew who they were nor want to meet them. He may have used other words…

Pub Golf, event, /pʌb ɡɒlf/
A key fixture in the social calendar. The real fifth major in golf takes the form of a variable number of holes and is played in doubles. Played on a challenging course in central Cambridge, pairs of competitors must share a tight bond. Slow play is heavily penalised.

Q Quack, noun, /kwak/
The sound a frog makes according to our most knowledgable freshers.

R Rig, noun, /rɪɡ/
All solid structures must have a firm rig. Sometimes they are left uncovered by architects to show off their hard work, but sensible structures use appropriate cladding to cover them.

Red Press, noun, /rɛd prɛs/
My explanation wouldn’t do it justice. For expert advice, ask Campkin.

S St. John’s, noun, /seɪnt dʒɒns/
Definition of making the worst decision. “I’d rather be at Oxf*rd than at John’s”. See also: Oxf*rd, John’s Bar

Shandy, noun, /ˈʃandi/
If someone cannot take a lager, they add a lot of Schweppes (other lemonades are available). One then mixes it all together and goes to Oxf*rd to meet “friends”.

Spoons, noun, /spuːns/
Spoons is the king of cheap food, cheap drinks and has the queen of all dance floors. Whilst many Astros are sand-dressed, the Regal’s dance floor has a special non-slip coating which is freshly applied each evening. Safety first. See also: Dangerspoons

Squanderers, noun, /ˈskwɒnd(ə)rə/
Undoubtedly the finest team in CUHC. Known for their ability to get themselves into a comfortable position, to only squander the opportunity for three points.

T the Best Day of the Year (BDotY), noun, /bɛst deɪ ɒv ðə jɪə/
Everyone but the blues plays a game of hockey against the other place before a nice big social. (See: Varsity)

Tomahawk, noun, /ˈtɒməhɔːk/
Some say the Tomahawk is so named because some of the ingredients are made by native Americans using an ancient recipe as old as Cambridge itself. Others say the name derives from the feeling you get that your skull has been split open when you wake up the next morning. All we know is, it’s £20 a jug in Hawks and is mostly coke.

Twenty-plus-one, important number, /ˈtwɛnti plʌs wʌn/
The number preceding Twenty-two, and coming after Twenty. The french get it right.

U ULO, acronym, /juː ɛl əʊ/
I’m told it’s what the Wblues call their more liberal and spirited members. These officers are frequently up for re-election and successful candidates take residence at Casa Della Shears.

V Varsity, important noun, /ˈvɑːsɪti/
See also: The Best Day of the Year. Varsity is the term used for the annual fixture against the other place (see Oxf*rd). 2nd and 3rd teams play their varsity games at Iffy road this year. It’s HUGE (>> Large). The blues play their Varsity at a neutral location (Southgate HC) on 1st March, it is likewise quite large. The games are the most competitive of the year, and the socials afterwards probably the loosest. ULOs are responsible for the officiating of both (see ULOs).
N.b. The blues varsity gets a large crowd of supporters. See: Please can the supporters on the far side be aware that this is a family event, and bad language is not appropriate.

VK, noun, /viː keɪ/
1. Often associated with a man of below-median but above mean chat.
2. A delicacy that can be enjoyed at a number of venues in Cambridge (See: Cindies, Vinyl, Fez). Rumours that you can purchase VKs as singles are yet to be confirmed. VKs are unique in being the only alcoholic drink that it’s acceptable for men to drink with the aid of a straw.
VKs advertise themselves as having “flavours”. This is a classic example of marketing something that isn’t there. VKs are just alcohol, sugar and food colouring. Some of the colours look radioactive.

Vinyl, bright noun, /ˈvʌɪn(ə)l/
Sadly life passed away, and Vinyl has made a comeback. It turns out that ‘fixing’ an absolute dive involves a lot of lights and a lot of mirrors. Sadly this means you can now actually see your worst nightmares.
People seem to still go. I assume this is so they can spend the book tokens their gran got them for Christmas on the way back home.

W Wanderers, collective noun, /ˈwɒndərə/
The Men’s second team. Led very dubiously last year by a man who prefers Shirley Temple to Wocktail, they managed to get promoted courteous of a stunning right-foot save by a defender on the line.

Webmaster, noun, /wɛbˈmɑːstə/
In the early days of CUHC, the webmaster was so-called as they controlled a vast “web” of information sources throughout the whole of the east of England, and an even larger distribution network that spanned most of Europe. Each week they would write their next preview, which was then replicated hundreds of times by bored arts students. When the audience became too large, the demand on the arts students grew too great, and so CUHC was forced to invent the internet. Nowadays, the webmaster manages a vast media empire consisting of Twitter, Facebook, Youtube and this website. The webmaster can be contacted here.

Wilberfortress, noun, /wɪlˈbəfɔːtrɪs/
Recent redevelopment by the military-industrial complex means our defences are stronger than ever. We now have three pitches, each with their own personality. Everyone seems to have their favourite.

Insert here tinder profiles for the pitches.

Wings of a sparrow, noun,
See also: F**k off Oxf*rd, Away in a Manger.

The Wings of a Sparrow
The Wings of a Sparrow

X X5, dreaded noun, /ɛks fʌɪv/
With BDotY away this year, there’s a chance you’ll be getting familiar with the roundabouts of Milton Keynes. Needing the X5 means you got it right but made a bad decision (See: Oxf*rd).

Y Yard, noun, /jɑːd/
Commonly mistaken as a non-SI unit of length (91.4 cm for you Millenials), the yard is actually an SI unit of volume.
Many claim that this is a small volume, but an equal number don’t want it.

Z ZipCar, noun, /zɪpkɑː/
We use Zipcars to travel to games not at home. They charge by the hour, so as soon as you enter, you’re on the clock. ZipCar was apparently conceptualised 3,267 miles away in Cambridge. It’s adaptive pricing means it costs a very reasonable £119 for a 500 mile 1 hour round trip. It doesn’t say if it includes penalty notices, but I reckon it wilby reet. (See: Freddie Hampel)

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