Weekend Preview 14/10/2017


Weekend Preview 14/10/2017

Freshers week is over, lectures are in full swing and Sunday’s whole club swap means the CUHC social calendar for 2017 is officially open! 

This weekend preview takes the form of a swap feedback form. The social secretaries are always looking to improve their events to ensure we keep killing it on socials, please feel free to anonymously submit the attached form to let us know what happened on Sunday and whether you enjoyed the company of your teammates! The attached form is a rather vanilla example response from a rather vanilla but anonymous Wandie.  If it does not show up, or you wish to hand in the form in person, you can download it here. Please send any responses to both and


Weekend Fixtures

Date Team Match type Opposition Venue PB Time League/Cup Form
14/10/17 Men’s Blues League Blueharts 1 A 1200 LWW
14/10/17 Women’s Blues League Wapping 1 H 1330 LLL
14/10/17 Wanderers League Bourne Deeping 1 H 1200 LDL
14/10/17 Nomads League St Ives 2 A 1230 WD
14/10/17 Squanderers League St Ives A 1400 LLD
14/10/17 Bedouin League Bourne Deeping H 1030 LDW


Weekend Preview – 07/10/17

Preseason has been and gone, another term has begun, and the excitement for pub golf is already palpable. 

Now that the technical problems have been resolved, in keeping with tradition the first preview of the year is an address from the incoming Blues Hockey Captain, Matthew Cockerill (c).

“Ahoy, I’m captain Matthew Cockerill (c) and I am lucky enough to be the captain of the Blues this year. 

First of all, as captain, I would just like to offer a warm welcome to any new players joining us this year and a big hug to all those returning for more. I hope, like me your captain, you are feeling refreshed and excited for another year of Hockey! 

CUHC has always been a wonderful mix of sporting and social excellence and I am keen, as captain, to maintain this during my reign as Blues captain. During preseason I have seen a lot of potential and we are already looking to be in a much better position than last year (when Thommo was captain).

 Please remember, that at any point you can challenge for my captaincy. I will accept any form of challenge but I dislike emails and prefer being called out in the open. Department, training and of course Cindies being fun places to have our showdown. 

As captain, I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a thoroughly successful and enjoyable season, and your captain will end with these words:

Even the largest army is nothing without a good general’

Best of luck for the season, 

Matthew Cockerill

St Johns College 2015-Present

Captain Blues Hockey 2017/18”


Now, a quick trip to Will Cairns for the news:

  • The first Wilby sunset of the year was described as better than the first one last year but not as good as the last one the year before that.
  • Last weekend, CUHC set a post war era record number of players fielded on the opening weekend of a season with a staggering 83.
  • The floodlights turned off at exactly 9.30 for the third training session in a row. They are apparently on a timer.


This week, CUHC aims to kick on from promising performances last week and lay down a marker in the East Leagues. 

Fixture details:

The male Blues are looking to build on a promising performance last week (Blues 3: Ipswich 2) taking on Spalding at the Wilberfortress. Their captain Matthew Cockerill is hopeful he will bring back 3 points but ‘will not answer any more questions until his club tie is returned’.

After a thrilling 2-1 loss to CoP followed by a goalless draw to Havering that left them stewing, the Wandies are lined up in a Cambridge derby (A) this week. Captain Kirky has implemented some major changes since the practice match against Brunel on last Wednesday, namely dropping a struggling Thomas Jackson.  Bringing in Coach Gilmore on a deal from Cam City will surely elevate the Ws to new heights.

The Squandies will be trying to lay down their talent in this week’s game against St Ives. Their 2-2 draw against Horncastle and loss to Norwich dragons showed hints of what might be to come later in the season. The return of Niels VF will ensure that even Peter Fletcher is playing for his position.

The female Blues will be aiming to put last week’s loss behind them as they face St Albans away. Confidence is booming after some targeted training this week.

The Nomads were rumored to have used their weekend off before playing Spalding at home this week to learn 6s and 7s up to at least 88 as suggested by our (surprisingly still) resident expert Peter Akyol (RIP). This will surely come in handy at the whole club swæp on Sunday.

It has only been a week since the Beds battled for an exhilarating 1-0 win against Bury St Edmunds, but already they are lining up tricky Spalding 2s for a spanking. Spalding are coming of a 7:1 drumming and will be keen to halt their losing streak.

Best of luck to all the teams.


CUHC Webmaster to See 20% Payrise Next Season

After a meeting of the senior committee today, it has been decided to increase the pay of the CUHC Media Team member by 20%, the largest increase since 2008. The move comes after criticism that the club was too heavily focused on hockey, to the detriment of chat. 

The CUHC Media team has been given exclusive access to the minutes of the meeting of the Senior Committee, whose meetings in shadowy unknown locations has long been a source of mystery within the club. This is the first time the agenda has been made public, with topics such as the new astroturf development and a repeat home 2s3s varsity making an appearance. The key point in the minutes, that seems to have been discussed at some length, was the pay of the some of the positions within the club in light of last years controversial move to actually pay student coaches by discounting subs.

The current webmaster, who wished to remain anonymous, welcomed the move, citing a poor chat harvest in michaelmas and actually having to do some work as just some of the challenges faced this season. However, they were cynical of the method of increasing the pay, pointing out that increasing the current pay of -£100 would actually just lead to the webmaster paying an extra £20 in subs.

Next years webmaster has so far declined to comment.

Blues Varsity Squads

It’s just a couple of days until the other Best Day of the Year, and the squads to face the Dark Blues are ready. With the possibility of a historic 7 victories over the other place, the coaches are completely full to carry the hordes of supporters that will be cheering them on (join the FB event here).

Both Blues have played against Oxf*rd already this year in Bucs, resulting in some very close fixtures (2 draws, 1 win, 1 loss), so expect the games to be exciting – but looking through the squad lists and how can Cambridge possibly fail with teams as strong as this. Both teams come into the game in fine form, with neither having lost a weekend game for over a month.

The Womens Blues

The Mens Blues

CUHC’s Most Liked 2017 (Saturday Preview 25/02/17)

Many made it to over 200, an impressive feat.

In a contest almost as fierce as the #bdoty (#2sleeps #imveryexcited), the players of CUHC have changed their profile picture in order to promote the event, and get as many reactions as possible. Since any publicity is good publicity, all kinds of reactions count (including the angry ones).

This year the uptake has been 60/64 players, as well as 3 coaches and 4 of the new Blundies (though I’m not marking them down for their poor attendance as they haven’t had as long to prepare). That’s a 35% increase on last years. Between us we’ve raked in a staggering 9755 reactions, up from 4631 last year.

All like counts were taken at 13:45 yesterday. Likes since then haven’t been counted.

Best Hashtag

#whateverwilbywilby – Pavey. You know it’s good when it gets the seal of approval from someone who spends a lot of time hashtagging.

But who didn’t take part?

4 non competers, who for whatever reason of their own didn’t want to show off their CUHC colours with pride. Just because you don’t publish it as your profile picture doesn’t mean it’s not going to get seen, instead we’ll just publish it here.  Duckers, Kendall, Tep and Totton. I’m not , I’m just .

Shame! Shame! Shame!

It’s a Team Game

Barman – The Nomads Coaches (click for video ofc)

The Nomads have again dominated the likes table, accruing over 3000 likes as a team. This was helped in part by both their coaches getting involved, including Larman who prioritised coaching the Nomads over playing for the Wandies when deciding on his profile picture.

Competition for 2nd place was close, with the Squandies making a spirited come back from 4th place, using every dirty trick in the book. They had overtaken both the Wandies and Beds until yesterday, when Laura Andrews snaked them and changed her profile picture. After an investigation by CUHC Media it was found that Landrews had been sneaky and re-used a previous profile picture. The completely unbiased judges at CUHC Media voted unanimously to disqualify Landrews (simply deducting last years likes wouldn’t have been enough to give the Squandies 2nd place).

Wandies came last, not helped by having 3 players not update their profile pictures.

Final Standings:

Position Team Reactions Players Involved Average Reactions
1 Nomads 3089 17 181.7
2 Squandies 2011 15 134.1
3 Beds 1970 (2189 incl. Laura) 16 136.8
4 Wandies 1918 14 137
5 Blundies 548 4 137

Except it isn’t

Nomads, as expected, dominated the top 10 of the individual leaderboard, getting 6 players up there. Representatives from all 5 teams made the list though, so solid effort. Top marks to Rhianna Miller with 275 reactions, which is quite a lot (2.6 standard deviations above the mean). Kudos to Jervis for second place, and top of the mens table in a competition dominated by the womens side of the club.

  1. Rhianna Miller

    Rhianna Miller – 275

  2. Matthew Jervis – 267
  3. Rhiannon Osborne – 257
  4. Anne Zwolsman – 236
  5. Harriet Potter – 227
  6. Laura Andrews – 219 (though only about 89 new ones since last year)
  7. Alice Pavey – 218
  8. Freddie Hampel – 216
  9. Ciaran Flaherty – 211
  10. Robbie Zhao and Beth Barker – 205 #cute

Once a Squanderer, always a Squanderer.

Normalising against number of friends, and a few people gave it a really good go. Deme basically had half of Cyprus liking his cover photo (I was going to post some of the comments but I don’t understand what they are saying, and so they could be violating the code of conduct’s terms of no bullying).

  1. Deme – 39%
  2. Harry Brignal – 37%
  3. Alicia Murphy – 35%
  4. Harriet Potter – 31%
  5. Rachel Stoner – 30%

Haters gonna hate.

Most Angry reactions was only ever a two horse race. Gleeson 15 vs. Boo 13. Congrats Gleeson, you’ve managed to alienate the most of your old University. Boo had 2 angry reactions from Annie O’Neill and G Bakes, were they trying to win this award perhaps? Or was it just an extension of the chat that Fb has been swamped with over the past few weeks?

Compared to Last Year

Generally within the club, we smashed last year. Participation was higher, and we doubled the total club likes comfortably. However, 3 people got fewer likes compared to their profile pictures last year:

  • Alex Harper = -1
  • Tamara Norman = -2
  • Dan Mehlig = -1

Ed Sides wins the award for Most Improved, with a 147% increase on last years likes, just ahead of Schute with a 146.5% improvement.

Will Archibald and Byrd both seem to have targeted the percentages this year, culling over 90 friends each in the last year (or our records are wrong). At the other end of the spectrum, well done Jim Dickinson, who has gained 46.2% more friends compared to this time last year. It wasn’t enough enough to get you top spot for the biggest increase in friends though, with Lindsay seeing a 55.6% rise in friend count #networking. Womens side of the club haven’t seen such dramatic changes in friendship numbers, with Potter and Pavey leading the way with 20+1% increases.

Overall, a good year for club networking, with an average increase in friends of 15.6%.

Totton, Duckers, Tep and Kendall messed up my nice looking distribution.

More Analysis

People like graphs don’t they? Well here’s a histogram of the likes in the club. Club average was 147.8 likes, with a standard deviation of 48.4 likes.



People also like tables right? I like tables. Here’s a table:

Team Position in table Opposition Opposition position in table Venue PB Time
Nomads 11 Harleston Magpies 2s 4 H 1200
Bedouin 12 Spalding 1s 5 A 1230
Women's Blues 5 Bedford 1s 1 A 1300
Squanderers 5 UEA 1s 3 H 1030
Wanderers 6 Norwich City 1s 2 A 1300
Men's Blues 9 Harleston Magpies 1s 4 H 1330


Weekend Preview 18/02/17

Despite being a slip weekend, there’s still a lot of hockey going on in Cambridge tomorrow and Sunday. Make sure to check on the news from the week as well, with all the teams now having been announced for Varsity (9 days woop).

The Nomads have a busy weeked with two rearranged fixtures. On Saturday they have a league game against bottom of the league Bury St Edmunds, after the fixture was called off in early January.  They’ll be hoping for a win to keep their hopes of staying in 1N alive, a big challenge with 4 teams getting relegated. That game’s away at 2pm. In a different situation entirely, they are playing a Bucs game on Sunday against Coventry, where they need a win to keep their promotion hopes alive.

Womens blues are just doing fitness. #gainz

The mens side of the club have no league games, instead all 4 teams are playing in friendlies against each other, with the blues playing the Wanderers at 9am, and the Squandies playing the new Blundies team at 1:30pm.

It’s also a big cuppers weekend for collegiate hockey, fixtures can be found in the cuppers spreadsheet.

Blunderers Squad Announced

With 9 days left, the Blundies have unveiled their team to take on Oxf*rd in the inaugural College Academy Varsity. This is a great demonstration of the strength of the 2 year old initiative to provide training and support for the college hockey leagues. In addition to the big names from College hockey who will be donning the CUHC kit for the first, the team also features many familiar names from the Squandies this year. Together the team looks strong, and more than a match for an Oxf*rd team that’s been playing the whole year.

Jamie Edgerton (Jesus)
George Margetson-Rushmore (Girton)
Alex Bird (St Catharine’s)
Bob Cliffe (Pembroke)
Sam Cole (St Catharine’s)
Herbie Hedgecock (Robinson)
Theo St-John Stevens (Emmanuel)
Lewis Collins (St John’s)
Johnny Carr (Christ’s)
Ian Gibson (Downing)
Robbie Zhao GK (St Catharine’s)
Harry Brignal (Magdalene)
Joe Horrocks-Taylor (St Catharine’s)
Alex Cargill (Clare)
Alex Clark (Girton)
Niels van Frassen (Pembroke)
Reserve: Aran MacFarlane (Pembroke)

2s3s Varsity Squads Released

Less than 2 weeks to go to the big day. There’s a lot going on in the club in preparation, and part of that is selecting the squads who will face the wrong shade of blue at the Wilberfortress on the 26th. I’ve got no idea who the Oxf*rd players will be, and their website isn’t as nice as ours so I couldn’t find out.

Huge congratulations to those that made the squads. Competition for places has been fierce, with everyone wanting their chance to smash the other place, but the 63 players below have been decided on as the most likely to get us those much wanted wins on V day.

Blunderers squad hopefully to be announced in the next week as well.

The Nomads Varsity Squad 2017:

The Wanderers Varsity Squad 2017:

The Bedouins Varsity Squad 2017:

The Squanderers Varsity Squad 2017:

A Look At The Blunderers – Weekend Preview 11/02/17

With the big day fast approaching, we have a look at the season so far for The Blunderers, and what we can expect to see on the Best Day of the Year. For those who have been living under a rock/pile of coursework recently, we briefly experimented with democracy at the club, and found that it worked perfectly as long as we limited the options severely and made sure our preferred choice ends up winning.

Introducing the Team

So who are the Blunderers? You might be forgiven for not knowing the whole squad since it hasn’t existed very long. Fortunately we did the research for you and are ready to introduce them. There’s the keeper to start with. They are pretty solid and stop goals from going in. In their spare time they enjoy chilling out listening to their extensive record collection. Their favourite album is Jack White – Blunderbuss.

Across the back there are 4 defenders, 2 of which consider themselves centre backs, and the other two consider themselves utility forwards who don’t like the idea of 7 minute rotations. They called an emergency meeting last week, as there are serious concerns that the complete domination we’re predicting for their Varsity game might mean they don’t get much opportunity to show off their skills in front of the huge home crowd. They agreed to transfer it lots to make up for it.

In midfield there are a few more hockey players. These are the more boring members of the team, only going out twice a week (compared to a team average of 3.2 times). To make up for this, they go out 50% harder than everyone else at team socials. The team socials are rumoured to involve a drink called the Blucktail, that whilst being mixed is a dark yellowy colour but turns to a light blue when the last ingredient is added. Not much else is known about the socials, I’ve heard rumours they send invitations to famous international hockey players but Maddy Hinch wouldn’t confirm if she’d recently attended.

Finally up front there are the people who score the goals. They do this in the traditional method of pushing, hitting, slapping or deflecting the ball into the goal. So far the Blunderers haven’t played a single game that they haven’t scored more than 10 goals in, a trend I’m expecting to continue in two weeks time.

The Weekend Preview

Looking at the Life forecast for Sunday, and this week it’s abnormally high levels of light blue.

Team Position in table Opposition Opposition position in table Venue PB Time
Nomads 11 Bedford 2s 4 A 1430
Bedouin 12 Royston 1s 7 H 1030
Women's Blues 5 Norwich Dragons 1s 5 H 1330
Squanderers 4 Pelicans 1s 6 A 1230
Wanderers 6 CoP 2s 1 H 1200
Men's Blues 8 Chelmsford 1s 12 A 1200

Vote for the New Team Name

This year for the first time, an extra team will be representing CUHC against the other place. To lul oxf*rd into a false sense of security, they have been undergoing a rigorous training regime disguised as the “College Academy”, but we’ve got no doubt they’ll smash it on V-day #bdoty #thedaywewinlotsofgames #idon’tthinkhashtagsreallysummarisehowexcitedIam. After intense peer pressure from the blues, who in previous years have found that 4 games of hockey is not enough time to get completely trashed, the club has also agreed for them to play on the morning of the best day of the year, with a 9:30am pb.

Thanks to all those who sent in suggestions, apart from mens blues who didn’t really have anything useful to contribute, or any names we’d be allowed to publish on the website.

Vote Here


To Blunder is to move clumsily, which hopefully they won’t be doing on Vday until after midday (at which point it’s expected of them). The CUHC Media Team quite like this name, as not only does it perfectly fit with the theme, it also hints at a looseness even more extreme perhaps than the Squanderers, which is exactly what we’d be looking for in our additional team (rumours of a selection policy that takes into account cindies attendance remain unconfirmed).


Moving away from the name theme, we instead enter the realm of philosophy with this name suggestion. Perhaps what the 4th team really is, is an opportunity to spend the year just thinking about hockey – without the distraction of having to play it 10 hours a week. If successful, maybe the blues will have to start running weekly “thinking sessions” to improve their game play. This could equally be applicable for the name “Wonderers”, but with half the club being engineers and so not that great at speeling, it was thought this could create the occasional bit of confusion.


This name works by juxtaposing the typically movement-oriented naming scheme of the rest of the club (with the exception of the Squanderers, who move spiritually rather than physically), to highlight that the team spends much of the year in hibernation waiting for the big call up to play their Varsity.


In a similar vein to Blunderers, the Flounderers are moving (fitting with the theme) but somewhat ineffectually. Floundering has less association with “mistakes” which is another meaning of the word “blunder”, and we definitely aren’t expecting any mistakes on the hockey pitch from the latest additions to our elite club.


Now this one is clever. It implies movement, which to some interpretations is slow, ineffectual, and reminds us of dumb geography lessons involving oxbow lakes (which start with ox and so are obviously not interesting). Look at it another way though, and it could mean meandering through defenders or hint at the inevitable flow of a river to the sea (which is obviously a strong metaphor for the inevitability of us winning Varsity).


Prodigals is a synonym of Squanderers meaning “wastefully extravagant”. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the Squanderers described as “extravagant” but perhaps there is a niche in the club for a team to fill the prodigal place. Despite the only name on the list not to fit into the very obvious naming pattern including -erers at the end, it works on a more meaningful level.


No, we can’t actually call our team the RONderers, a vote for this team name is in fact a vote for ReOpen Nominations, which means we go through this whole process again and scrape the bottom of the barrel even cleaner in our search for a new name. We’ve been told we have to include RON in order to make the whole thing democratic, but there’s a good chance we’ll just ignore the result of the vote and choose the one we want anyway.