For this final weekend preview of term, CUHC’s ‘greatest double act’, Fruce (‘weren’t they the nomads coaches 2 years ago?’ – S. Gilmore, 2017), make a guest appearance, with a festive mulling over the highs, lows and memorable times (Christmas dinner aside) of term.
Greatest Sporting Achievement
Given the nature of CUHC (#5from5), this was a tough category to choose a winner. The nominees are as follows:
Marcel and 5 grills
Marcel Hedman, MBlues: Marcel’s navigation of pub golf whilst tied to 5 members of the women’s’ club (Q. ‘How many grills is it acceptable to be tied to?’ A. ‘As many as possible’) was an outstanding demonstration of balance and composure.
TJ Jackson & Ferg McNab, MBlues: The majestical battle of TJ TJ KO Jackson and McNoob was a masterpiece of strength, grit and boxing talent. Fergal, spurred into action by his turkey bacon, emerged victorious and at Wilby first floor.
Demetris Stylianou, Wandies: These sporting achievements founder in comparison to the exceptional cycling abilities of Demi, whom, in spectacular style, has attempted to traverse even the toughest of terrains, that of the Fez dancefloor.
Demi cycles back up to Wilby this weekend, as the Wanderers take on City of Peterborough (PB 12:00). The Wandies will be looking to avenge their early season defeat, continuing to play some exciting hockey and exceed the recent average of 7.25 goals per game.
As part and parcel of the hockey game, injuries are common. A three-way tie -not as impressive as the Marcel 5-way tie (see above)- covers the CUHC award for ‘most reliable physio sign up’, with Jim, TJ and Kirky often gracing the Arthur Marshall meeting room on a Thursday night.
However many members of CUHC have taken it upon themselves to produce some intriguing injuries. Let’s take a look at the nominees.
James Campkin, Wandies: Owner of the *EDIT* 2nd most filthiest hands in CUHC decided to follow in historical CUHC footsteps, winning the ‘Peter Akyol Award’ for his hashtag edgy star-shaped ear piercing, just in time to impress at Christmas dinner.
Robin Watts, MBlues: As if devised during a game of Consequences, few injuries are as random and obscure as this. That’s not Robin Watts slices open his hand on a can of coconut milk after a night out. I have nothing more to say about this. He should have gone to Gardies.
Molly Buxton, WBlues: Not to be outdone as ever is Molly Buxton, no longer needing to visit Addies, given she has her very own medic boyf to tend to her foot injuries.
Sadly Mol is unavailable this weekend (led to believe this is not due to foot injuries), but the Women’s Blues will look to continue their strong recent form against an in form Peterborough side. This Christmas-cracker of a match is at Wilby 1:30 PB.
Best Cloob Pic
The sesh gremlins amongst us have popped up in many a cloob pic this term, but some are surely more worthy of framing and afixing to the hallowed walls of Wilby? The shortlist includes:
CUHC’s hen party: (Title: ‘Hens and Cockerills’, 2017, Watercolour): The wedding? Who knows, but the emotional range displayed in the piece is spellbinding and really captures the mystery behind this entry. The fear etched across the face of Zhao dominates the foreground, yet no less prominent is the interrogative, deep-reaching stare of Cockerill juxtaposing this bewilderment. The true resonating feature of this work however is the mesmerizing display of intimacy by Pyman and an orange. Exceptional emotional portrayal.
Matt Pyman, MBlues (Title: ‘Binned’, 2017, Oil on Canvas): Whilst technically not inside the club, this picture encapsulates CUHC’s surprising and edgy transition to Sunday Fez nights with its use of contrasting colour and metaphorical intent, blurring boundaries between sesh and reality.
An assembly of Blues (Title: ‘Sesh No. 6’, 2017, Gouache on Paper): The most poignant artistic pieces owe their success to realising the elements of good composition. Immersing the viewer in a total experience of ballare, this piece has them all. Balance. The symmetrical arrangement of Blues reflected also in the coordination of armography alludes to the unity achieved between the men and women’s sides of the club. Focus. From couplings in the corner (sorry, Jim), to the creeping reflection of Demi (sans his beloved bicycle) in the mirror, the lack of distinctive focal point causes the dazed eye to Wanderer, reflecting the feeling of utter panic and confusion one experiences when momentarily losing CUHC on a night out. Pattern. The regular repetition of lines, shapes and colours in this composition symbolises the regularity of this Wednesday night scene. A priceless piece, raking it the likes, el presidente Sides could describe it in no greater terms beyond we’re ‘smashing it’ (1 thumbs up, 4 love reacts).
See Sides smashing it on the pitch this weekend as Men’s Blues take on Peterborough away. Despite having played Peterborough last weekend in the cup, a different looking MB side will likely line up this sat at a significantly shorter average height to Sunday. They’ll also probably be wearing black kit as it’s an away game.
Grills and gentlemen, you won’t need us to remind you what a four months of loss we have endured. We would like to take this moment to remember and cherish those friends and companions whose lives may be over, but whose legacies will live on for as long as our love of hockey.
Hatty Darling’s Jumpsuit (2017-2017?): Yet another victim of the historic CUHC Annual Christmas Dinner 2017, Hatty’s Jumpsuit must be remembered for its warmth and companionship throughout most of the night before it’s devastating disappearance. Weeks of searching, campaigning and interviews concerning it’s whereabouts have proved inconclusive. #resultsnotreacts
Jean Staunton Sykes’s chat (2013-2017): Last seen on the news page on the website on 3rd November 2017, concerns have been raised. Questioning begins with a soulful Weasley. We hope to be reunited with JSS soon, though until then, Flibby then Kirky then Webbo then Sean-Paul and now Fruce keep the great ship Webmaster afloat following this tragic passing.
The Wilberfortress (1994-2017): We remember the Wilberfortress with fond memories, as we cannot remember the night we got it right. It was a tough loss for all. Many, like Ollie Rose, clung onto Wilby in its final dying hours.
Nevertheless, it’s withered frame stands strong, and is host to the Bedouin at home against Peterborough (10:30am PB) as they look to bounce back to winning ways.
Transport is an ever present point of discussion in CUHC because we just love #awaydays. As much as we love zipcar, CUHC members have been branching out, leading to a whole new category in this year’s awards edition. Taking CUHC for a spin, we have:
Women’s Blues’ Fiat 500s: Due to a technicality, Sophia Padt’s highly rated ‘looking Fi(a)t 🔥’photo didn’t quite make meet the artistic criteria for the CUHC wall of fame (turns out Canterbury carpark is very much not the cloob). Despite this, the multicoloured Fiat convoy was quite a sight as they travelled down, back around, back up and then back down the M25. Such a vision of basicness certainly impressed many, though sadly, CUHC legend Cat Cox was less amused.
Fergus Flanagan’s vintage banger: I’m not gonna lie, I know little about cars and can’t even drive, but can nonetheless appreciate that Ferg Flan does not have a Fiat 500. Despite taking longer to get going than it takes Kirky to chop a pint, this timeless beauty is nonetheless an esteemed addition to the Wilby car park and that non-existent parking space.
The Nomads’ Coaches: The Nomads have gone above and beyond the standard transport forms. Bus, train, zipcar; all deemed inadequate. For it appears members of the Nomads much prefer their coaches.
Unfortunately for the Nomads, they will be travelling in cars this weekend as they journey to Peterborough. A close defeat last week has interrupted the Nomads’ winning ways, but they’ll be looking to enter Christmas with another win in the bag.
Undeterred by the neverending PlayerLayer struggles, CUHC continues to make their mark on the world of #fashun. Let’s relive a few of these iconic looks.
Fergus Flanagan, MBlues: Adopting the kind of enthusiasm for Full Club Swap not observed since Georgie Baker (2016-17), Ferg’s look was bold, it was brash, and well, it was just his boxers, really. Full marks for commitment. Ferg, you’re hired.
Ian ‘The Magician’ Johnston, Wandies: Devoted entirely to CUHC, few dare to dabble in any other clubs or societies. Not Ian. Swapping his stick for a wand, Ian demonstrates his alliance with the Magic Circle through his red tie and shirt combo, having ‘forgotten’ his post-match attire.
Harry Brignal, Squandies: Leading his army of Squanderers, heads turned as captain of the most suited and booted team (though not for long) in CUHC entered Wilby on the fateful November 26th, 2017. Purposefully lurid to disguise the VK stains, the Squandies certainly won’t feel fleeced by these purchases.
Ditching the blazers and presumably turning out in the iconic CUHC combo of black tops, shorts, black socks, shin pads, astros, gloves (optional) and gumshields, the Squanderers will be strutting their stuff along the A16 to Horncastle (1pm PB), and hope to return with a win.
Best of luck for all the weekend matches, CUHC! Lets hope for some top results to send us into Christmas, with wins against Horncastle, Peterborough, Peteborough, Peterborugh, Petrebough and Peter’sborugh.