Weekend Preview – 26/09/19

I still really like this photo, so can someone take another one?

Some might argue that last weekend was a tale of two halves. In the first half of Saturday, we came second in four games, joint first in one and outright first in the other. The only conclusion I could draw was that hockey was clearly the winner. 

However in the second half, the tides did predictably changed. As CUHC descended on Spoons after some good old Captain’s cocktails, normal service resumed. With a notable Cam City/ex-CUHC contingent in the melting pot, a light blue sea descended on the Dfloor and rocked away the night. With chat about a debrief resulting in no debrief and thus no chat, I can only comment on what I saw, which was, reassuringly, people having fun. 

A cracking film night, bowling and bake-off soon followed, leaving CUHC feeling, well, pretty wholesome. With new friends made and the archives thoroughly searched, it appears CUHC-TV may soon be getting a second lease of life. Good job Izzy (and some may argue Jim).

This Weekend

However, with another week of CUHC pre-michaelmas term post-pre-season early-mid-season training under our belts, our six illustrious teams set out in search of 3 whole points each. With four teams on the road this week, and the Wanderers having their first double header weekend of the season, there is 490 minutes of hockey to be played.

The Men’s blues are looking to get back on track after a “recovery week”. With the anon. sixteen time world championship darts player impersonator having now fully acquainted himself with his newly added facebook friends, Ji-Sung back on every Lifeguard’s watchlist, and $ëåñîø sacking the fellas for bake-off,  it looks like the Blues have got their “mo mo mo”jo back. 

After a solid performance against Oxf*rd Brookes earlier this week, they travel to East East Anglia (14:30 Pb) to take on Ipswich who are also looking to get some points on the board.

The Squanderers got themselves a good win against Leadenham last week, but after a dreadful second half, where they failed to penetrate through the solid press of the Spoons’ forward line, we called last weekend a draw.
Tom and his team wilby looking to put a woeful display behind them and focus back on the first half of hockey. This week they host a nearby St Neot’s side in Wilby’s early fixture.
My sources tell me that they’ve got another keeper this week, meaning TB C. has not been picked. Commiserations TB, but keeper trying hard in training. In other news, James MBA keeps his place in the team after killing it in Spoons.

Will he make a return? We hope not…

The Gentlemen of the Wanderers were left disappointed with a loss last week, but after a quality week of minutes on the line, hollow holds and the occ*sional bit of ball-on-stick action, they go into their big double header weekend hungry.
I have no doubt that once they’ve eaten a few more five-minute-finish-cucumbers, they’ll be well-hydrated, nourished and confident of securing some quality points. Their double header consists of Broxbourne (Away) and Bourne Deeping (Home).

The Nomads put in a brave display last week against St Neot’s, showing the resilience to fight back and get a couple of goals against a good team. However, with the return of some experienced Nomads for the weekend, we can’t wait to see the Nomads come back with drei punkt.

The Women’s blues return to Wilby (P1) after a tough opening fixture against a quality Harleston Magpies outfit. They welcome Maidstone to Wilby who lost to Cam City 2s last week. I assume the WBlues view the fixture as winnable, given their own 2-2 draw with Cam City 2s, albeit in pre-season.
Perhaps the Bamy ‘sexy’ short, as named by anon. Wandies defender (48% picked) in the crowd watching Wblues vs. 2006 England World Cup Squad, will work wonders.

The Bedouin are, predictably from their name, on the road this week with a trip to Cambridge South. With a self-proclaimed “pro” fresher in their ranks and after backing up our prediction “Don’t back [no balance] Brooksy, back the beds” last weekend, we have high hopes for our Bedouin.
However, their opponents scoring many goals last weekend and so it could be a tough one.

Who’s in your fantasy?

After taking up the entirity of my existence last week, I was hesitant in mentioning Fantasy Hockey. However, on realisation that it fills my phone up with messages from lots of girls who would never usually message me (they know who I am, yay) and that I can talk about my 2nd great passion in life, Statistics, it seemed on balance a worthwhile inclusion.

Current ‘flukey’ leaders

As the northern Californian’s would apparently say, JEngland (112 pts overall) has had an hElla week. As the out-and-out leader, he picked his team well and maximised on a double point weekend. With a 10 pt lead over ∞ times Varsity Man of the Match and Wandies coach Kieran (102 pts overall) and flukey freshers Toby and Kabir, he may have the lead for now. But with two games for the Wanderers, there’s potential for a sudden change in fortunes. Or at least this is what Julian (-4 pts overall) is hoping for…

Our team of the week

Using an advanced optimisation process, involving a pen, notepad and the thing inside my small cranial vault, I worked out the best (legal) team this week would have afforded you 248 pts. There is clearly room for improvement.

With the average (arithmetic mean) points tally being 60±4 pts, this means CUHC college lies 27th on the Tompkins table with a score of 62.2 (when grade boundaries were applied according to IA Natural Sciences, this took me far too long).

Quite a large spread

But as Wikipedia unreliably tells me, nearly all colleges lie within 10% of one another so it is in fact completely meaningless. The only fact we have about the different colleges is that we’d all rather be at Oxf*rd than at John’s…

A Typical Johns Student
Most Picked players

So Sarah, Sides, Harold and Chandler were pretty popular. They know that, we know that, so let’s not pump up their egos any more. 

Player% Pick
Sarah Alsaad84 %
Harry Leng73 %
Ed Sides66 %
Joe Chandler64 %
Seb Shaw53 %
Lewis Collins48 %
Rachel Smith48 %
Thomas Whitworth47 %
Izzy Austin47 %
Amy Edwards44 %

I’m not gonna go through those who were picked infr*quently or not at all because that would not be nice.

What I will say is that dropping yourself as Captain from your initial team is disappointing, and then dropping yourself all together is shocking. However, given that Roberto did pick a MBlues defender as captain on a double points weekend, I guess that is karma. Moral of the story: Back yourself.

Webmaster upholding the rule of law
Took a while to come up with a very average reply though.
Biggest Disappointments and hidden gems

Well, it goes without saying that I threw everyone a few curveballs. With my “top picks” centre stage in my Austintatious weekend preview, I really feel like I’ve really let the Sides down with some of my suggestions. I thought some of them would have Shaw-ly secured a lot of points, but I was in fact very wrong. Admittedly, I probably should have foreseen Amy getting DoD, but she has written a decent match report.

Poll (now closed):

What is your favourite match report from Week 1?

  • Wandies (42%, 27 Votes)
  • Squandies (29%, 19 Votes)
  • Men's Blues (17%, 11 Votes)
  • Nomads (8%, 5 Votes)
  • Women's Blues (3%, 2 Votes)
  • Beds (2%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 65

Loading ... Loading ...

Yet there are three sides to every coin, and so for every disappointment, there is a surprise plus something else. Stand out performers were jug-avoiding Henry Pulver and 6-times debutant Lara G (CUHC, East Leagues, Home, 2019/20, P3 and Nomads if you were wondering) with two goals apeice. Sadly, they were only picked three times in total, but I’m expecting their names to be the buzz words in the next round of transfer rumours.

Best Team names

It’s fair to say names varied in quality. With three freshers choosing to call themselves the “Fresh Meat of Bel Air”, some of you may say that we have some innocent undergraduates matriculating this year.

I’ve put my top 5 team names in a poll, so go exercise your democratic right, and we’ll get an overall winner.

Poll (now closed):

Best Team Name

  • Jess Czink ur pint (33%, 18 Votes)
  • Sasston Villa (20%, 11 Votes)
  • Last of the Summer Owain (20%, 11 Votes)
  • VenkateSaint Germain (15%, 8 Votes)
  • A. S. Toma (13%, 7 Votes)

Total Voters: 55

Loading ... Loading ...
Fantasy Hockey Changes

To make a change to your Fantasy Hockey team, please use this form. Although I have enjoyed being so popular, it is something I’m quite uncomfortable with.

Early Season Reconnaisance

It’s only 142 quality sleeps plus a budget night in a hostel until BDotY! (We all sincerely hope Rob & co. know what this stands for now, but if you don’t then read here)

Hence, I thought I’d do some early season reconnaisance on the famous polytechnic near Milton Keynes, famed for being where Bill Clinton tried to try an illegal substance, and both the current and previous PMs did their bit to aid the British tabloid industry.

Sadly, they have not yet adopted one of the fundamental principles of the now widely used internet; it needs to be regularly updated. I assume this is because they’re still busy trying to work out if their shoelaces are undone or not, or too busy printing names on the back of their shirts because they don’t know each other’s names.

However, regular updates (from CUHC) on this issue are coming soon…

BedouinCambridge South 1st XIA13:30D
Men’s BluesIpswich 1st XIA14:30L
NomadsSt Ives 1st XIA12:30L
WanderersBroxbourne 1st XI
Bourne Deeping 1st XI
H (P1)
L –
Women’s BluesMaidstone 1st XIH (P1)12:00L
SquanderersSt Neot’s 1st XIH (P3)10:30W

Plenty of time this weekend to get down early and watch the Squandies, plus a Sunday special at Wilby courtesy of the Wanderers. Bring the noise!

Leave a Reply